320 Faith

Okay, so I have kind of been slacking a little. I know. It’s been a rough week. So much going on in life, I have become overwhelmed. I wrote tonight though after The Well service. It was a sit down with a pad of paper, a pencil, and music and just write kind of night. As I type it out I will try to make it flow better but will probably leave it the way it is, since I feel that is when I make most sense and do my best writing. So here it goes:


I find it absolutely amazing the way that God works. At work yesterday I missed a call from a good friend. I text her to see what was up. She said she was calling to say hi and that she was thinking about me. I needed that. I just didn’t know it at that very moment. Last night tore me up. It was then that I needed my friends, “hello. Been thinking about you.” After the end of the day, all writing done (yes I wrote yesterday but it was a vent that will not be read by anyone, not even me). My mind was still going nonstop. I got in bed and wrote: a list of things about me that most people don’t know. It was a list about my past that I have been prisoner to. Something I didn’t realize until tonight when Travis spoke about 320 Faith. “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” – Ephesians 3:20. It is from believing this that we get 320 Faith. Travis’s message tonight was about six reasons we fall short of 320 Faith. He said how some will fall in to one or two of them and others may fall in to all. I was one of those who fit all six reasons. Because they all hit me so hard, I wanted to write about it and think them through.

The first reason we fall short is that we believe God has great plans for others, but not me. We usually feel this way because of guilt, or the feeling that I am too broken, too dirty for God to love me and to care. We are each God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). This is something I have to remind myself daily. I think that tonight I will write in on my mirror as a reminder every morning as I get ready.

The second reason is that we want a detailed explanation from God. Like a little kid always asking why, we question what God asks us to do instead of trusting him and obeying. “Sometimes all you know is what God told you to do. And that has to be enough.” I am the type of person that every little detail is planned out and I am a mess if it goes wrong. I want to learn how to just obey and to let God have full control. “Faith is the opposite of control.”

The third reason is that we desire to “take up our mattress” rather than taking up our cross. This is like our ball and chain. For me this is my past. This is where the list I wrote last night comes to play. The events on my list, my past, have become my prison. I had never thought of it as a prison until Travis said, “you may be a product of your past, but you don’t have to be a prisoner to it.” This brought tears to my eyes. For so long I have let my past run my life (without realizing it). My past keeps me from trusting. I am a prisoner of my past, ready to break free.

The fourth reason we fall short from 320 Faith is: fear. We’re afraid of the things we think might hurt us. These things we fear cannot hurt us if we have faith and trust in God. It’s kind of funny, because one of my biggest fears is trust. I have been hurt so many times by some many that I feel like the only person I can trust is myself. There have been times I have not been able to trust God. And I am working on that.

The reason that hit me the hardest was the fifth: we have a season of regret in our lives. I try not to have regrets. And most of the time I don’t have any regrets. But some events recently have given me regrets. And they are still fresh in my mind. I regret falling. I regret not stopping it sooner. It is safe to say, I am in a season of regret.

The sixth and final reason that we fall short of 320 Faith is: we try to accomplish things in our own strength rather than being desperate for His. “By His power God raised the Lord from the dead, and He will raise us also.” – 1 Corinthians 6:14. Travis used the analogy of being in the ocean, the waves crashing and throwing you around as you reach for God’s hand and strength to raise you above the crashing waves. I find myself being pounded on by crashing waves. As though I can do nothing right. Like everything I touch falls apart. And I, being the head strong independent woman I am, have tried getting out on my own and have not succeeded. I realized tonight that it is okay to say that I can’t do it alone and that I need God’s strength to help me through.

After service, I had an amazing talk with the friend that called yesterday. I was able to get some things off my chest, to cry, and to feel loved and cared about. As often as I pretend to be okay, I am not. I am broken and realizing that the only way to piece myself back together is by being desperate for God; and remembering the Ten Faith Promises that Travis listed out, all of which can be found throughout the Bible.

God is incredible and has put amazing people in my life. And I am oh so very thankful.